- Predictions 2011, Part 1
- Predictions 2011, Part 2
- Predictions 2011, Part 3
- Predictions 2011, Part 4
- An Ocean of Problems
- Finding the Truth about Vaccinations
- The Economy – One Last Chapter
- Creating Sound Money
- Autism and Teachers
- Joseph Smith’s Handwriting
- The Rising Sign
- Seer Stones
- Astrology and More
- The Gold Standard, Part 1
- The Gold Standard, Part 2
- The Polygamy Question
- Hell on Earth, Part 1
- Hell on Earth, Part 2
- Hell on Earth, Part 3
- Hell on Earth, Part 4
- Hell on Earth, Part 5
- Hell on Earth, Part 6
- Compact Fluorescent Lightbulbs
- Hell on Earth, Part 7
- Hell on Earth, Part 8
- Hell on Earth, Part 9
- Hell on Earth, Part 10
- Hell on Earth, Part 11
- The Gold Standard, Part 3
- The Gold Standard, Part 4
- The White Horse Prophecy
- More on the White Horse
- Maximum Freewill
- Braco, The Healer
- Braco Comments
- Examining Braco
- Discerning Light and Dark
- Braco & the Blue Dot
- Spiritual Work and Money
- The Gold Standard, Part 5
- Democracy or Tyranny?
- Hell on Earth, Part 12
- Hell on Earth, Part 13
- The Book of Mormon and DNA
- Illusion in Wisconsin
- Hell on Earth, Part 14
- Oscars & More
- Ten Tribes and Danites
- Soul Retreival
- The Gold Standard, Part 6
So far as I could learn from this celebrated “Angel,” I should stand at the graves of my forty wives, provided I had so many, and should soliloquize thus: There’s Jane, she was a first-rate wife, and very faithful, I’ll have her up, hence I would bawl out, Jane come forth! and up she’d come. Well, there’s Maria, she was a vixen, I had enough of her during this life, I don’t want any more Maria in mine, she lies there and don’t come up. I then turn to the grave of lovely Susan, she was a darling. Susan arise! Up she comes, bright as a daisy, and so on, with Alice and Angelina, Lucy, Betsy, Bertha, and Bridget, Dora, Dina and Dorothy, Caroline and Catherine, Louisa, Martha, Matilda, Miriam, and Elizabeth; Pauline, Jemima, Priscilla, Rachel and Rebecca; Mabel, Agnes, and Abigal; Isabel, Rosabell, and all the other bells, be they many or few.
Thus I their lord and master, resurrect those wives that have been faithful and obedient to me, while the disobedient and unfaithful are doomed to everlasting oblivion. “You see,” said the “Angel,” continuing his strange theology, “This doctrine makes the women obey their husbands when nothing else will.” Polygamy is a peculiar affair, and it requires strong doctrine to regulate the domestic concerns of plurality; hence we teach that the husband is the only Lord and God the wife will ever know or be answerable to, and that her salvation depends entirely upon her husband, he alone can damn or save her.
Even this don’t keep Polygamic wives from fighting, scratching and hairpulling, and off times when they continue in a disobedient course, the husband has to resort to the means which Bro. Kimball preached, viz:-To cut them off, and send them back to their mother earth. Just like brother Andrews cut off that unfaithful wife of his by cutting her throat, and by such measures being adopted, we can often regulate the family affairs when all other efforts fail.”
With a cunning wink Gabriel tapped me on the shoulder and said, “I tell you what it is brother,” (fancy singing “I want to be an Angel, and with the Angels stand,” here I was an Angel’s brother.) “This doctrine of Polygamy is a queer thing to get along with anyhow.” I confessed that the Singularity of Plurality was a matter I could never understand, to which the Angel replied, “Practice makes all things perfect, even in Polygamy. You must practice plurality, young man, before you can understand its singularities.”
I thought the most fitting prayer for the occasion was “I pray thee have me excused.” But to return to the matter the “Angel” wished to convey when he cast that knowing wink, he said, “sometimes the terrible consequences of polygamy will drive a man into apostasy, then it becomes the duty of the “Destroying Angels” to attend to him as you will learn further on; but sometimes they evade the grasp of our blood atoners, and get away. Now then, this theology of ours teaches that the man being the only Lord and Saviour of the woman, when he leaves our church, the wives must leave him and marry some faithful brother that can save them. Hence you will find women in this territory who have been married to ten or a dozen different men.” I knew a woman that claimed 53 fathers for her three children, but then this is only a small part of the singularities of plurality. It’s a queer thing when you come to.go into it.
Having received such soul stirring and refreshing doctrine from an “Angel,” and anticipating more information such as I could not get, in any of your worldly, sensual, and devilish schools, I was somewhat sorry to find, that all the 40 men and 6o women had by this time got rid of all their sin in the bath tub, and stood before me looking very slick, having each received a coating of oil and the “Wedding Garment.” The women had also put themselves inside their chemise, and we men to match them had to don our shirts; in this condition we were all ushered into a dark room and made to squat higgledy-piggledy upon the bare floor; we were now supposed to represent the Sons of God which sang together at the Creation.
I did not sing, who could sing in the dark and not see what they were singing about? I failed to see the point. Presently there was a sound as of a mighty rushing wind that filled the place; in the dark we could hear considerable mumbling and jumbling; this we were given to understand was the “ Gods “ in conversation. I thought if they had anything to say they might as well speak out. Shortly a voice which we were told was that of “ Elohim “ rang out “Michael go down and gather the elements together and prepare to make a world.’ “ Aye! aye”! responded Michael, “behold it shall be done according to thy word.” Then the sound of footsteps tramp, tramp, tramp, convinced us that Michael was on the march to fulfil the command of “Elohim.”
After fumbling about in the dark awhile, the same footstep was again beard, conveying the idea that Michael having performed the task assigned him was returning from whence he came. When he got back he called out, “All right Elohim, behold all things are done as thou hast commanded.” Michael is thus sent to and fro by Elohim on several errands in connexion with the Creation now supposed to be taking place, and finally when the command is given “Let there be light,” and when “ there was light,” we the unfortunate candidates were in a curious predicament, here we were squatting around looking worse than a group of” Digger Indians,” and right before us stood the “ Gods “ and “Holy Angels.” Here was “ Elohim the boss God,” impersonated by Brigham Young,”
Jehovah “ was represented in the person of a Murderer, who ought at that time to have been dangling at the end of a rope. The “ Messiah “ or “ Christ “ was impersonated by a man with a Glass Eye. “ Michael “ being represented by a thorough “Masher and Smasher” that could captivate and thrash wives to perfection. There were “Gods many” and “Lords many,”-” Angels” and “bright personages” too numerous to mention; I shall describe some of them further on.
Now being in the light we could see as well as hear all that was going on, but I must necessarily omit a great deal of what transpires in this “Holy place.” I pass on to where we find ourselves after the world is completely organized and made ready for the habitation of man. Now “Elohim,” “ Jehovah “ and “ Christ “ say. “Let us make man in our own image, after our likeness, and let him have dominion over all these our works.” Then up jumps “ Adam, “ a fine looking specimen of humanity: he was a stranger to me at the time, but I afterwards found he was as good a man as ever cut a throat or scuttled a ship. Poor Adam looked kind of lonely and forsaken standing there alone, which drew out the sympathy of the “ Gods “ who noticed his forlorn condition.
The result was the “ Gods “ came to the conclusion that it was “not good for man to be alone,” and they decided there and then to make a “help meet for him,” but for some reason we were not permitted to see how the thing was done. Adam was mesmerised on the spot, then we were all told to go to sleep, and being obedient, we stretched ourselves on the floor and began to snore. As we are not supposed to know what takes place during our sleep (though at this particular time I slept with one eye open) my readers must be content to know that we were aroused from our slumber, and, on arising we beheld “Mother Eve” in all her beauty-Venus like, courting her Adonis, or rather Adam, and persuading him to get married, not that she feared a rival or had other choice, but Eve seemed to be on the marry, and looked determined to give Adam no rest until she obtained her “marriage lines.” While Adam and Eve were making such a confounded fuss over each other, we, the candidates for “future glory,” were ushered into another room called the “Garden of Eden.” The walls of this room were painted to imitate shrubbery and trees, the ceiling was .frescoed with numerous stars, while sky and clouds were roughly outlined; there was also large pots containing bushes and shrubs of various sorts to give the place the appearance of a garden; this was “Eden.” Here “Adam and Eve” were married, but the “ Gods “ having made but one woman there was no plurality of wives for Adam. I could not help thinking that surely this was the time and place for Polygamy, if such was necessary at all during any portion of the world’s history, why it was excluded from Eden I have yet to learn. Mormonism is a jumble of blasphemy, tragedy, and burlesque; although I treat some of the subjects in a bantering style, they are nevertheless true. Let the reader, however, here pause for a solemn consideration of the fact that Adam was only furnished with one wife notwithstanding the command, “Be fruitful and multiply.” Aye, and at the Flood only four women went into the Ark-one mate for each, male. According to Mormonism. man, who has degenerated, and cannot be said to posses the pristine vigour of primitive times, is now (after thoasands of years), and contrary moreover to philosophy, physiology, and psychology to have wives ad libitum. Let the dupes of the “ religious “ libertine consider this, and, however some parts of Scripture may be perverted, use only their commonsense. [To continue the Endowment House story]-
“Adam” and “ Eve “ being now man and wife, the “Gods” strictly charge them to be fruitful, and multiply and replenish the earth: after showing the consequence of disobedience, the Gods leave the garden. Adam having got over his honeymoon starts out for a walk by himself, like many a married man in this our day, leaving his dear wife to look after the garden and herself at the same time. No sooner is Eve left alone among the shrubs, when the Devil appears. Yes, dear reader, I have seen the Devil. This being the first time I ever saw his Satanic Majesty, I must describe what he is like.
To select a man to impersonate Satan requires something more than ordinary shrewdness. It is not every man one meets with who is adapted to make a first-class devil. Here we see the craftiness of Brigham Young in choosing Judge Phelps; could any one imagine a more fit and proper person to represent the Devil than a Lawyer,-a sombre Judge.
Brigham always despised the legal fraternity, and would often brand, and define them as a set of devils. I suppose this to be one reason why a Lawyer was selected to play the part of Satan in this Endowment drama. This devil of a Lawyer, or Lawyer-Devil, stands about five foot two and a button-hole-a withered shrivelled up old fogy.
I had always felt a dread of meeting the Devil; there seemed to be so much sulphur, brimstone, and pitchforks connected with him and his trade; and as he was supposed to be carrying on a roasting concern, or a sort of old-fashioned bake-oven on a large scale, I must confess that ray thoughts and ideas of the Devil were anything but refreshing. You may imagine how relieved I felt when standing before that small “wee bit” of a Satan-there he stood-all there was of him. How ridiculous the thought of being afraid of him; any man present could have snapped the life out of him at one pop. But he was of such a very pleasing disposition that no one could entertain the thought of doing him any harm.
When I was introduced to him I shook the old chap’s paw heartily: I wasn’t afraid; no, not I. Why should I? He smiled a sort of Satanic grin: this was performed very poorly; I could have done it better myself; however, I thought it best to make friends with his Devilship in case I may need a situation in his establishment in the future, and as the goodwill of a dog is better than its ill-will; I thought surely the goodwill of the Devil was far preferable to his ill-will; besides I concluded that it was more than possible I may be able to learn a trick or two from him; hence I sought to be on friendly terms with the Devil. As we “ Sir “ everyhody in America, except women, and this particular Devil being of the masculine gender,. I smiled and said, “Good morning, sir, happy to meet you, for I presume you are an American Citizen! “
“You bet yer boots that’s just what I am” he replied.
“Do you exercise the franchise, and vote at elections? “ I ventured to ask.
“Why certainly, and so does all my better haffs,” he answered.
“What! Are you married?” I asked.
“Oh yes! and a daddy!” said the Devil.
I ventured to remark pleasantly that I had heard him spoken of as “the Father of Lies,” but that there should be a Mother of Lies had never entered my mind till now. He asked, “How can there be a father unless there is a mother?”
To get at what I started in to know I said, “Pray tell me, did Apostle Pratt give a true account of the Fall, &c., in his curious book called “The Seer.”
“Oh dear, Yes!” says the Devil, “Pratt is right, and the Bible and all the God forsaken Ministers are wrong. I can’t help grinning to think how the blind lead the blind. The Garden of Eden was in Jackson County Missouri where Eve “fell flat,” as they call it, and showed her wisdom, by being convinced the forbidden tree was good and pleasant, and a tree to be desired to make one wise and become as Gods. You will see presently how she became convinced, and took of the fruit thereof, so you need ask no more on that point. I’ll guarantee to make it all plain to every God forsaken child of man present before you get out of here.”
The Queen of Sheba’s remark to Solomon, “The half has never been told,” was given to me with “New Light,” too dazzling for these pages. Furthermore Great Salt Lake was fresh water before “Old Mother Lot suicided by steeping herself in it; she was a briny old cuss and made the water devilish salty. That’s why it is called The Great Salt Lake’ to this day. Remember Lot’s wife.”
I asked “Are there infants in Hell a span long, or any unfortunate babies whose parents failed to have them Christened?
“Look you here my friend,” said the Devil (fancy I was now the friend of Satan.) “There is no Hell! except what we get upon earth.”
“But we read of a bottomless pit,” I replied.
“Git out,” says “Satan.” “How can there be a pit without a bottom: besides it also says, it’s full of fire and brimstone. How can a bottomless pit ever get full? Where can you get the brimstone to keep the thing agoing? Brimstone burns out rapidly, and there ain’t enough in the universe to keep the thing running night and day for a month on the stretch, and yet they say the fire is never quenched.’ If the fire is always burning how can it be a place of darkness as they say. Its all humbug, you hear me! Don’t you believe such nonsense my friend.”
Then Satan enquired “How many wives are you going to marry today?
“I answered “Only two.”
Says the Devil “If you don’t get Hell enough out of that two, you can eat me, boots and all.”
I said “Are we not commanded to take more wives than one?”
“Yes,” replied the Devil, “but the hell of it is you are a darned sight too miserly over the thing, take my advice young man and marry at least a dozen, or you’ll have Hell upon Earth with them two. Two is always bound to fight and kick up hell, the one is jealous of ‘tother all the time, and you wont have a minute’s peace: but if you marry a dozen and mind your P’s and Q’s it’ll be a darned sight better for you, and-”
I was vexed to have this interview cut short, I wanted to ask more about these Lucifer matches as they are namesakes of his, and various other matters, but this chat occurring “behind the scenes, between the acts,” the time was up, and the Devil had to proceed to business.
To describe him more fully-he was clothed in a suit of black velvet; on his head he wore a sort of scull cap of the same material; this cap had two large ears which made him look somewhat Devilish, he also wore an apron made of a square of white satin on which was worked in with dark silk floss two large pillars representing the pillars of Solomon’s Temple, and a lot of serpents. He was a tricky customer, and oh, how he could lie! It is no wonder he is termed the “Father of lies “: and as the Mormons have been well trained by the Devil, it is no marvel that they are the greatest liars upon the face of the earth. The Devil is also a great deceiver, and the fact that Mormon Missionaries are well trained by the Devil in Utah is the reason why they manage to deceive so many people in England and other places when they come in search of dupes.
With this description of the Devil I will now describe the part taken by this “ Lucifer “ in the ceremonies which follow. Of course, Eve so pure, so beautiful has to fall, and “no devil no fall,” hence the Devil has a very important part to play in this hellish drama.
Satan, who had been in close proximity peeping through the bushes when “ Jehovah “ commanded Adam and Eve “to be fruitful and multiply, and replenish the earth,” now finding Eve alone seeks to instruct her in regard to this very important command; for this purpose he steps forward and shaking hands says, “Good morning, Eve, it’s a fine morning, and what a beautiful place you have here!” Looking all around he adds, “what beautiful fruit! “ and going straight to the tree containing the forbidden fruit Satan plucks some, tastes it, pronounces it very good, and offers some to Eve. She, of course, very politely refuses, and gives the reason-it is forbidden. Eve assumes a very maiden-like and innocent touch-me-not attitude.
Then the Devil, with much adroitness, convinces Eve that in order to fulfil the command “Be fruitful,” she must partake of a particular fruit_ I cannot here explain what takes place between Eve and the Devil, these matters are not intended for the “unregenerate,” they are to be “ spiritually discerned.” If you cannot discern I can only help you a little by referring to “The Seer,” vol. t, page 85, par 69 That our first parents would have had no mortal children if they had not partaken of the forbidden fruit, is not only reasonable, but it is clearly revealed in the Book of Mormon. The Prophet Lehi says, If Adam had not transgressed, he would not have fallen. AND THEY WOULD HAVF.HAD NO CHILDREN; wherefore they would have remained in a state of innocence, having no joy, for they knew no misery; doing no good, for they knew no sin. Adam fell that men might be; and men are that they may have joy,’ (2 Book of Nephi, 1st chap., page 58.)
“ And in that day the Holy Ghost fell upon Adam, and Adam blessed God and was filled, and began to prophesy concerning all the families of the earth: blessed be the name of God for my transgression, for in this life I shall have joy, and again in the flesh shall I see God.
“And Eve, his wife, heard all these things and was glad, saying, were it not for our transgression, WE SHOULD NEVER HAVE HAD -SEED The capitals in these quotations are as in the book], and should never have known good and evil. And Adam and Eve blessed- the name of God, and they made all things known unto their sons and daughters.”
This is why the sons and daughters of Adam know so much now-a-days. It has been handed down, and the Devil has had a hand in it also, as we learn in the same paragraph from which I have quoted, thus:-” BECAUSE THAT ADAM FELL WE ARE: and by his fall came death, and we are made partakers of misery and woe. Behold Satan hath come among the children of men, and tempteth them to worship him: and men have become carnal, sensual, and devilish, and are shut out from the presence of God.”
It appears from this book also that we have cause to be truly thankful that Eve fell and then managed to seduce Adam, for the prophet Lehi continues; “Therefore I lift up my heart in praise and thanksgiving before the Lord yea, I bless God with all my soul, that our first parents did transgress; for, because of this transgression my spirit has been permitted to come from Heaven and enter a tabernacle of flesh and bones-because of this transgression, I am permitted to know, in this life, good and evil, joy and misery, justice and mercy, love and hatred-because of this transgression, I learn by experience things which I never could have learned in any other way: and but for this transgression the great family of spirits in Heaven would have been disappointed in their anxious longing expectations to receive bodies.” “The Seer, p. 88, see Appendix C. for more of the Seer.
I have conversed with thousands who have been through these ceremonies and from what I learned from them it is very evident that some parts of the performances are varied at times, so that should we attempt to expose them there would be conflicting statements. At one time Satan himself consummates the fall of Eve; at another time Satan only explains matters to Eve, and Adam accomplishes the fall. Sometimes men and women are huddled together entirely nude; at other times partly dressed. Mormon leaders are very tricky, and I have no doubt the ceremonies are varied occasionally. I can only give the facts as I saw and heard them. While they vary in regard to some particulars, they all agree as to the washing and oiling part of it.
“It is quite probable the ceremony is frequently changed,”-” Beadel’s Life in Utah,” p. 492.
It is a matter of surprise among decent people that a woman could be found in this our day and generation to take the character of Eve in such a place, and the question naturally arises, who is she? To answer briefly. She styles herself “Miss Eliza R. Snow.” That you may form a correct idea of this Miss I will state that I have heard her say in public that when the “Revelation on Polygamy” was first given she immediately married Joseph Smith, while his wife, Mrs. Emma Smith, was still living with her affectionate husband. In fact, this Miss Snow constantly boasts that she was the first to obey the Revelation and to enter into Polygamy.
When Smith died, Miss Snow married the “ Prophet “ Brigham Young, and since the demise of this worthy I understand our Miss has united herself in holy Wedlock to the present “ Prophet “ John Taylor. I have no doubt this latter is correct for she seemed wonderfully “stuck after Prophets.”
She is termed by the “ unwashed “ of Salt Lake the procuress of the Church, as she spends most of the time when not engaged performing “Eve,” in seeking to induce young girls to marry the lecherous old scamps who are ever seeking fresh victims for their filthy Polygamic harems.
Mrs. Smith, on page 45, “Fifteen Years among the Mormons” says:-” Eliza Snow performed the part of Eve more than any other woman. Now at fifty years of age she is even yet very beautiful, and she may be said to perform infamously well.”
Having said this much in regard to Eve, we will again turn to the scenes in “Eden.” The Devil having thoroughly instructed Eve concerning the forbidden fruit and other details concerning the fall, proceeds to show how it is to be accomplished, and having finally adjusted matters the Devil goes off and hides behind a tree to await further developments. At this juncture Adam, who has taken a stroll alone, now returns when Eve plays well the part consigned to her by the Devil. Here, then, we have before us the sad picture of the first fallen woman, who, being created as the “help meet” of the man, helps him to his downfall, and we are informed that “Adam is the first, but not the last man thus drawn aside from the path of virtue by a woman.”
Some think that Adam should have remained firm and not have yielded to Eve. Had they stood with me and witnessed what I did, they would never blame him. Many men fall by “Temptation,” less than Adam’s. I can assure you Adam deserves credit; he stood out like a man, and it seemed doubtful if Eve would succeed in her undertaking so proof was he against all her subtleness. But finally human nature, even in Adam gave way and he fell.
The first chance I got between the acts (for all this is similar to a theatrical drama) I said to “Adam “-” How is it that you, so pure, and before the fall, could allow a poor fallen man like Joseph, to beat you in purity and virtue? “
“Look you here,” says Adam, “If you read that yarn about Joseph carefully, you’ll find he had a coat on at the time of his temptation, which makes a darned sight of difference: ’twas his coat saved him. But, say! “ continued Adam, thinking I was chiding him. “You fetch your Josephs’ in here, and strip ‘ern, and let old Mother Eve git a hold on ‘ern bet six bits,* she’ll hold ’em, they won’t slip away from her.”
Eve fell first, then Adam fell, and just as the fall was completed, we, the candidates for initiation, were supposed to realise the condition of our first parents, when “they knew that they were naked,” and being aroused to our true condition with much shamefacedness (for our eyes were now opened, they were supposed to have been shut up to this time), we dive into our little bundles and get out the “Fig-leaf Apron” wherewith to cover our nakedness. Then there is a fearful commotion in the garden. A loud noise of tramping, and thump, thump, is heard, which is supposed to be the approach of “Jehovah.” Adam and Eve the fallen, are hid in the bushes.
The Devil who has been watching all the proceedings from behind a tree, continues his devilish grins; while “Jehovah” appears, and loudly calls “Adam where art thou?” Adam comes sneaking out from the bushes looking very criminal; Eve follows looking awful sheepish and very pale. Poor Eve, I really felt sympathy for her, she looked like a mother of twins on her way to be churched.
Satan comes forth from his hiding place and the remarkable trio stand confronted by “Jehovah.” Adam was the first to break the silence that ensued; speaking to Jehovah, he said, “I heard thy voice in the garden, and I was afraid, because I wast naked, and I hid myself.” Then Jehovah replied, “Who told thee thou wast naked? Hast thou partaken of the forbidden fruit? “ Adam pushing the blame on his wife as men are apt to do now-adays, answered, “The woman whom thou gavest to be with me, she got the best of me and I had to give in, it’s no use talking.”
At this, Jehovah turns to the woman and snappishly enquires, “What is this that thou hast done?
“Eve, like her daughters of the present day, was not minus an excuse, she threw the blame on the Devil who had beguiled her. Then “Jehovah’s “wrath Was kindled, and I saw the Devil quiver as he received the cursing. Up to this point Satan had stood erect as a man, but when the words were uttered by “Jehovah,” “Upon thy belly thou shalt go,” the Devil stooped, placing his hands upon the floor, and ran around the place on his hands and feet, like we sometimes see boys when playing monkeys. Satan stopped occasionally to taste his new victuals, the “ dust “ but he did not seem to like it, and cast many a glance at the fruit on the tree with a nod and a wink, which was interpreted to mean that he’d have some when the way was clear.
The woman also came in for a share of “ divine “ vengeance. “In sorrow shalt thou bring forth children,” now rang in her ears; and not only was she to have sorrow where she anticipated so much joy, but the multiplication table was to be lavishly used in her case, “I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception,” were the words now used for her edification. Hitherto she had held the upper hand: she was indeed “the better half.” She could make Adam conform to her ideas and desires, but now her desire was subject to her husband, and she was dismissed with the consoling words: “And he shall rule over thee.” It is this that gives Utah husbands the power they so freely exercise to rule their wives as with a rod of iron.
Adam was let off pretty easily,-he was merely turned into a farm labourer. He had tried his hand at tailoring, but at this he was not a success, his fig leaf apron was a poor specimen of workmanship, besides tailors were in poor demand, for the woolen manufactories had not yet started-in fact there had been no sheep shearing.
The first requirements were husbandmen, especially as there was to be now some weeding to attend to besides the cultivation of the soil. We now file out of the garden, clothed with our fig leaf aprons, and in this “light marching order” costume, we are thrust out of Eden into the cold, cold world. Now we are in a bitter cold room without fire in the depths of winter, the thermometer registering ten degrees below zero. I found there was not much warmth in fig leaves. My apron was of little service, either as a non-conductor of heat, or to keep out the cold. The mercury of our enthusiasm drop’d below zero also.
I had a chat with the “Archangel Michael,” and was surprised to learn from him that he was also Adam our Father and God; that after the war in Heaven, having beaten the Devil he came upon this earth as Adam. He was the first spirit to enter a fleshly tabernacle. The earth had been formed just prior to this “Holy War” and as there is no hell, the Devil and his Angels, when thrust out of Heaven made a bee-line for America, and landed in Missouri where the Garden of Eden was situated. He said get “The Seer” and read page so and 51, that will give the straight of it. I did so and straightway got the “straight of it” thus. “In the revelations which God gave through Joseph Smith the Prophet, we are informed that Adam was Michael, that the war in Heaven had ended before Michael left Heaven, and entered a body of flesh and bones under the name of Adam.”
The glass-eyed “ Messiah “ came to me picking his teeth, and said that He, Elohim and Jehovah had just been having a nice snack of the cold chicken and ham in my lunch basket, and told me where to find the empty basket. I tried to draw him out on matters spiritual, but he was too worldly-minded. He had heard that I possessed some cash, and as he owned some saw mills, he wanted to strike up a partnership. But having heard of him as “the one-eyed pirate” I was on the look out, and though he was playing “ Messiah “ I was up to his trick and no bargain was struck.
This was between the acts of the expulsion from the garden, after the fall, and the next act where we are “clothed upon with our holy garments,” or in plain English before we donned our togs, I should think about one o’clock, but my watch was in my vest pocket, and I had not seen my clothes since I stripped six hours before, and of course there were no clocks or watches in “Eden.”
Just as we were concluding that we had better freeze to death and thus wind up the ceremony, “ Jehovah “ appeared, seemingly in a much better mood than when we last saw him in the garden. He had been out helping himself to the cold chicken and ham in my lunch basket, and having refreshed himself, felt better. He deeply sympathized with us in our shivering condition and in the new mile of tailor, dressmaker and outfitter, promised to make “coats of skins” for every man and woman in the place.
We were now ordered to untie our bundles, the Priest who gave the orders sublimely saying, “Fetch out yer duds; “ this was the signal to don our “Endowment Robes.” There was considerable fumbling in the operation, the sash being purposely put on wrong to necessitate a change again at another part of the ceremony. We were now cautioned that if any of us ever attempted to reveal what we saw and heard in the “ House “ our memories would be blighted, and we should be everlastingly damned, for these “ Holy” matters must not be mentioned after leaving the “Sacred Place.” Hence, I suppose my damnation is secure, but how far my memory has been blighted my readers can judge for themselves.
I must not forget to notice the emblems one finds -connected with this matter; my blighted memory shall only fail me in matters too indecent to publish-these I must forget. On the right breast of the “Wedding Garment” we have the “Square,” and on the left the “Compass.” There is also a small hole in the centre, and on the knee a large hole called the “stone.” I once took this “ garment “ to a Chinaman to ascertain what that heathen would think of it. John carefully scrutinized it all over, especially in the middle, where he thought I had joined drawers and vest together to cheat him of one piece in the wash bill; then pointing to the “square,” the Chinaman said, “You no good mason, you try cheat me one. No go. Shirt and drawers all-same two pieces.”
I failed to convince the heathen that it was but one garment, the pattern of which had been revealed from Heaven. He made me pay for two pieces. I have been asked, “is the Devil a Freemason? “ I give it up, don’t know; he said he was, but he lies so who can believe him? But this I know, I have seen the Devil wear an apron similar to that worn by freemasons. It contained the pillars of Solomon’s Temple, which are used so. much in Masonic emblems, but as we are coming to the grips, signs, etc., the fraternity will discover much that is “ emblematic ‘ as we proceed.
The first Mormon Prophet was a “Mason,” so was Brigham Young. General Beadel, in his “Life in Utah,” p. 499, says:-” The Mormons all became Masons. Joseph Smith out-masoned Solomon himself, and declared that God had revealed to him a great key-word which had been lost, and that he would lead Masonry to far higher degrees, and not long after their Charter was revoked by the Grand Lodge. How much of Masonry proper has survived, in the Endowment, the writer will not pretend to say; but the Mormons are pleased to have the outside world connect the two, and convey the impression that this is ‘Celestial Masonry.’“
Knowing this I was not much surprised to find Masonic emblems in the room, such as “The Compass, Square, Level, and Plumb-bob.” To convince the Masonic Fraternity of the truth of this, I quote from page 48 of “Fifteen years among the Mormons,” by Mrs. Mary E. V. Smith, where she says:- “ Certain marks were cut with a small pair of scissors, besides others, the Masonic square and compass, upon the right and left breast of our garments, and upon the right knee, a gash, deep enough to make a scar, by which we were to be recognized as Mormons. It was a noticeable feature that the outside show of some of the regalia and furniture connected with these “ Endowments “ were made to conform with those of Masonry; and Mormons are anxious to have the ‘ Gentiles ‘ associate all they know of these beastly ‘.Endowments’ with Masonry, or as being a modified form of it, made eligible to women, as a blind to cover the real objects of this Institution.’