Selecting A Mate

1999-7-19 13:34:00

The Molecular Relationship, Chapter 6

SELECTING A MATE

People of the world today are greatly deceived into thinking that any two people can get along and be happy together if they both put forth effort, compromise and adapt. All marriage manuals, courses and counselors put much faith and energy into this idea and disregard the all-important principle of selecting the right mate to begin with. Humanity seems to have ignored this point as a key to happiness.

While it is true that all people want to marry someone they love, they have no guiding principles to use that will assure them they will actually be happy. If they marry the wrong person, they will find that no amount of Herculean effort will bring stability to the marriage. They will find themselves in the most miserable of all circumstances. Even many apparently stable marriages are made of couples who have resigned themselves to their fate because of fear: fear of breaking religious or society rules, fear of being alone, fear of a lowered standard of living, fear of hurting the children, etc.

In understanding the guiding principle of mate selection, we must comprehend the difference between male and female energies, especially as they apply to human beings. Unless this difference is realized and incorporated in mate selection, at least 50% of marriages will start off destined to doom just because of the law of averages.

The Apostle Paul understood the difference and wrote around the idea in one of the most controversial and misunderstood passages in the Bible. He said: "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore, as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything." [Ephesians 5:22-24] A corresponding admonition to Eve in Genesis says: "Thy desire shall be subject to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee." [Genesis 3:16]

Many persons are unable to examine these scriptures objectively because they attribute their origination to the narrow-minded views of a male dominated society on women prevalent during that period. They reason that since Paul grew up in a male hierarchy, he wrote to conform to the thinking of that day. This is true to an extent, but we must not make the same mistake as many accuse Paul of doing: we must not miss the underlying truth he is presenting because our pre-conceived views produce narrow-mindedness.

Paul explains that this subject introduced is "a great mystery". Part of that great mystery is the basic difference between male and female energies, and they are indeed different.

Paul said that wives should submit to their husbands as the head even as the husband submits to the Christ. This is probably the most misunderstood and abused scripture in the Bible. Liberated women of today instinctively rebel against subjection and rightfully shun the fundamentalist teaching of male totalitarian dominion. Paul had no intention of establishing family dictatorships, for he was speaking of male and female energies, BOTH OF WHICH EXIST IN EACH SEX.

Male energy is the sending, or radiant, energy. Female energy is the receiving, or magnetic, energy. The mind is a male energy, emotional energy is female; therefore, the male has the energies that control and direct and teach, whereas the female has energies that must learn and be intelligently controlled and directed to obtain stability. On a physical level, the male is the sower of the seed, the female is the receiver of the seed and conceives. On a mental level, the male is the initiator of ideas through his mental energies; the female nurtures and grows the fruit of his ideas through her emotional energies; the fluid (emotions) of her mental "womb", which creates form, provides nourishment for their creation, the child of their combined energies. Through the mental intercourse between male and female energy, powerful thought(male) forms(female) are created. The old saying, "Behind every great man is a great woman" reveals the truth of the interaction of these energies.

This is even true when the physical female is dominant in a male society. She dominates through male energy and if she has a male companion he becomes female to her even though he has a male body.

The interplay of male and female energies create balance throughout the universe; one is not greater than the other. They are two equal aspects of the one energy of Purpose.

In fact these two energies have their own spheres of dominance. In the physical world the male isdominant which is evidenced by his stronger body. His strength easily enables him to overcome the female if he so desires.

However in the next sphere of livingness, the world of feeling, the female is heavily dominant. Her emotional strength is much stronger than the male and when the female uses this energy as a lever in the relationship the male usually feels overwhelmed and will yield to the female despite his superior physical strength.

Then again the male energy dominates on the next level, the mental. This is why there are more male engineers, mathematicians, inventors and jobs that require pure mental calculations.

But then again the female dominates on the next level still which is the intuitive. The female is much more sensitive to higher perceptions beyond the mind as well as much more believing of things the mind cannot explain.

Thus we can see that among these four levels of consciousness and perception that the dominance of the two energies is very equalized.

It is true that at various points in time one or the other energy is dominant. During periods of involution (descent into matter), female energy is dominant, and during evolution (ascent out of matter), male energy is dominant. Female energy draws us into matter and creates form, as did Eve symbolically draw Adam and the world into matter and form by eating of the forbidden fruit, which is called the Fall of Man. Male energy pulls us out of matter into spirit, as did the Christ in allowing himself to be crucified so that he could raise the physical body to the plane of the spirit. Both directions are necessary to fulfill the Plan of God in bringing about the creative purpose of the One Life.

The female energy takes us into the world of experience, and, after we have played and experimented in the "playground of the Gods," the male energy takes us back home.

We must remember that each of us possesses both of these energies no matter which body we occupy. We must all play out roles of being both sender and receiver, but our souls are attracted to either a male or female body in a certain life because, at that point in time, our life force is charged or polarized in that direction; this charge fluctuates in us all from life to life. Thus, if one presently finds herself in a female body, this is an indication that her soul needs to be polarized in that energy to achieve maximum progress and fulfillment through learning and receiving. If one finds himself in a male body, then he must be a sender, initiator, and teacher to satisfy his soul direction. To achieve complete fulfillment, however, we must balance and use both energies within us. The fact that we find ourselves in either a male or female body is merely a statement of our soul's intention that one or the other energy should be dominant, and that we should place our attention there.

Paul clearly explains how this subjection of female to male energy is to occur; it is unfortunate that conservative religions have used his teachings as an excuse to deny the female her freedom of expression and limit her freedom of agency and movement.

Paul tells wives to submit to their husbands "as unto the Lord" and "as the church (form) is subject to Christ (spirit)." In viewing this scripture, all religions have overlooked the all-important point that a woman cannot submit herself to her husband as unto the Lord if her husband is in a lower state of spiritual evolution than herself. In a marriage relationship, the mate who is at the highest point of progression automatically assumes the role of the sending male energy and becomes the initiator-sender between the two. If a woman, then, marries a man who is at a lower point in evolution and submits herself to him, this corresponds tothe error of Christ submitting himself to the Church . It would obviously be wrong for Christ to do this because neither party would benefit or progress.

The Church has nothing to teach Christ and looses its spiritual life when it tries to assume His role. Unfortunately, this is currently the case. The Church tries to conform the teachings of Christ to its ends and dominion rather than the other way around. Consequently, the spiritual life is virtually non existent.

How many spiritually evolved women have been commanded by their religious teachers to submit to their husbands who are less intelligent than themselves? By the law of averages, about 50% of all women pick such mates and by submitting to them, they find themselves in a very uncomfortable and unfulfilling position. Because they are more evolved, they find themselves automatically in the position of the sender-male trying to submit to their husbands, who are receiver-females. Thus, neither party in the relationship is able to balance their energies and both are unhappy no matter how close their personality interests are and how much they strive for harmony.

Woman, by nature, must put her attention on balancing her receiving energies to receive fulfillment and fullness of joy in marriage. Since the male energies are those which are leading us toward evolution, then she must find a mate that she can receive evolutionary inspiration from. Therefore, to fulfill her destiny, a woman must find a male more spiritually evolved than herself or else she CANNOT become a receiver, as the church is a receiver from Christ.

We realize that within one short lifetime this is not possible for all. Nevertheless, if the female finds herself in a sending position it is much better for her to play out this role of the male energy rather than trying to submit to a male of lower evolution.

This point is of extreme importance, for the abuse of it is the root cause of one half of all married couples being unsatisfied. If each female made it a point to marry a man more spiritually evolved than herself to enable her to become a willing receiver, the marriage success rate would jump to about 75%. A success rate higher than this is improbable, for about 25% of all men and women cannot be happy with anyone and are not evolved enough to establish a good bonding relationship. Nevertheless, 75% is a great improvement over 25%. The application of this one principle alone could almost bring in the millennium of peace envisioned by Christianity. (These percentages are rough approximations.)

Paul explains the type of relationship the husband should have with the wife:"Husband, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of the water by the word . That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and withoutblemish". [Ephesians 5:25-27] Just as Christ must be more spiritually evolved than the church before he can "sanctify" and teach it, so must the husband have higher knowledge and spirituality and be able to teach his wife if he is to play the role of the sender.

This does not mean that the male species is more evolved as a whole than the female, but it does mean that to find fulfillment, the individual female must find a man more spiritually evolved (or close to being equal) than herself if she is to find a stable, completely fulfilling marriage bond. One can still have a reasonable marriage relationship with the roles reversed, but we are looking for the optimum here.

Female energies are receiving energies and if they are united with a male that cannot send to them, then they will find that they must TAKE. When the female finds herself in a taking situation, she often does so quite forcefully to the consternation of both herself and her mate. Her energies force her to be a receiver or taker. She becomes very unstable if she resists this natural energy flow.

The male finds himself in a position of either being a natural sender in the relationship or of having his energies "taken" from him. He finds that his soul directs him to be a sender one way or another: either by giving it or by having the female take from him. If he resists this energy flow, he is unstable.

True fulfillment only comes when the male is the natural sender and the female the natural receiver.

To achieve this fulfillment, two things must happen:

First, men and women seeking mates must recognize their natural energy flow and the female must seek a male who is at a higher point of evolution than herself. Thus, the haphazard and random mate selection of today must be replaced by a more scientific one. People must learn to judge with a fair degree of effectiveness the pure intelligence of potential marriage partners. Once it is known what to look for, the female will realize that she cannot be satisfied with a man who cannot naturally send to her.

Secondly, the whole marriage order should be changed. About 50% of married couples are unhappy because they are with the wrong mate. The solution, as we pointed out, is not a marriage course or counseling. The solution, unfortunately, is a rather drastic one (from society's point of view): divorce, and remarriage to mates that balance their energies;.

"But", says the objector, "divorce is bad. It breaks up families, hurts people and is hard on the children..."

In many cases this is true. Many children are sacrificed for selfish purposes when the only real reason for a break up is a desire for a new experience. On the contrary, a bad marriage is worse than divorce. No stable family is created, individuals are hurt daily, and it is much more damaging for the children than living with a single responsible parent.

Each woman should examine her mate and ask: Am I unhappy because I am unable to receive from him? Men should ask: Am I unfulfilled because I cannot send to her? If the answer is "yes" , then one should strongly consider divorce and remarriage. If children are involved, such a decision is doubly difficult, but it must be realized that an imbalance of energy affects the children and that a divorce and correct remarriage will actually benefit them. Under the influence of balanced energies, the children will tend to be more stable.

In the case of a divorce both parents should do all in their power to see that the children are under the influence of both a mother and a father. It is sad that in many cases one parent will be vindictive and sabotage the relationship of the other spouse with the children. This can create a no win situation.

Nevertheless, a black and white attitude in this and all matters should be avoided;. The soul may direct a person to stay with a mate for overriding reasons, but generally, the short period of pain following a divorce is nothing compared to the daily pain of a bad marriage on all family members.

In selecting a spouse, the female should not only choose one of higher evolution, but also one fairly close to her own consciousness. If there is a large gap in evolution between husband and wife, even if the husband is more evolved than the wife, there will also be problems and the bond will be weak. In the case where the man marries a woman too far below him, he will be unable to give to her in fullness because she will not fully appreciate what he has to offer. If we correspond the evolution of mankind with the numbers one through ten, then we will find that males who are a 10 should marry an 8 or 9. If he were to marry a 6 or lower, there would be a gap that would prevent the formation of a strong bond and a stable human Molecule becomes impossible.

If a female feels she is a 10 and cannot find a man of higher evolution, yet feels she must get married, then she should select a man as close to herself as possible in progression. Not everyone will find complete fulfillment in relationships in any one life, even if they have complete knowledge, but that knowledge can lead them toward a fullness of joy that their soul cannot withhold from them if they do not cease seeking.

The female who is a 10 in evolution and cannot find a sending physical male will find her spiritual fulfillment and balance in higher contacts that she will make

A major objection many may have to divorce will be on religious beliefs, but this should not be a deterrent if one examines the Bible. Jesus gives the one reason that couples may justifiably divorce:"But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery". [Matthew 5:32]

Here we have another scripture that has been greatly misunderstood and has caused much trouble in the world. Many religions have forbidden divorce because of these words of Jesus.

Notice that Jesus said that the only justifiable cause of divorce is "fornication". The prevalent belief among Christians is that fornication is sex between two unmarried persons or between two married people not married to each other. But here Jesus uses fornication as an act between married couples. Therefore, the meaning intended by Jesus is not the one attributed to the word by people of today.

Actually, fornication may not even involve sex, for in the context it is used throughout the Bible, it means "to be alienated from" or "to remove one's heart from".

Thus, if the wife's heart is alienated from her husband, he may justifiably divorce her. God often called Israel his wife and when she committed fornication against Him and removed her heart from the true God and worshipped idols, she committed fornication against Him and He gave Israel, his wife, a bill of divorcement.

Thus, it is with people. If their energies are not correctly matched and balanced, they commit fornication and become alienated and should get a divorce.

On the other hand, if their energies are balanced and the husband divorces a wife who has given her heart to him, he "causeth her to commit adultery". In other words, he causes her heart to forcibly seek someone else who may be at a wrong point of evolution. "And whosoever shall marry her that is divorced (wrongfully divorced) committeth adultery". If a man marries a woman whose heart is still with her original husband, there is produced an imbalance of energy and this is what true adultery and fornication are.

The question will naturally arise as to how one is to find another at the correct point of evolution. How is one to tell whether or not he is a five, seven, or ten?

Pinpointing a person's correct point of evolution is indeed difficult. We could take pages outlining an approximate procedure, but even if correct principles are spelled out the average person would not use them correctly. In mate selection, the primary concept that should concern the female is the question: Is the man, I am considering capable of sending to me and stimulating my spiritual evolution? Can he teach me and lift me up to higher realms of consciousness? Does he comprehend true principles faster than I do? Does a natural giving come from him to me? Am I close to him in spiritual evolution? Do I feel confident in trusting his judgment?

The male should ask himself: Does she seem to be leading me or do I naturally tend to lead her? Do I enjoy telling her things I believe? Am I able to teach her and pull her up to a higher consciousness? Does she respond when I mentally give to her? Does she love me for my mind as well as emotional stimulation? Am I the natural giver and she the natural receiver in the relationship?

Both parties should seek for confirmation in the relationship from their own souls and intuition through prayer, meditation, or contemplation. If their marriage is the right direction they can both receive an endowment of soul energy as a spiritual testimony to the correctness of their relationship. If they desire further confirmation they may seek the advice of another who they respect as a person of high spiritual evolution. This third person may then receive a revelation for them as a second establishing witness. Nevertheless, individual soul confirmation must always be the supreme influence.

Question: Rick brings up an interesting point of discussion. There are many who are in male bodies who feel a strong pull in the female direction and many in the female who feel a strong pull in the male. We have given hints as to why this is so. What do you think?

And what about gays? What kind of charge in energy would males and females have in this situation and why?