2008-6-17 05:51:00
I kept my agreement with myself and attended all the church meetings for the six-week time period. The first couple weeks I forced myself to go and I just endured the boring lectures, classes, meetings, hymns, etc.
Then I started studying the other boys. I found most of them found church every bit as boring as myself and unlike me, who was going of my own free will, they went because their parents dragged them there. Once at church instead of just sitting quietly, as I had been doing, they seemed to make the best of entertaining themselves.
In Sunday School class they did all they could to aggravate the teacher. They threw spit wads and erasers at each other and made jokes about the teacher when his back was turned.
That said I just have to relate one memorable event. Around that time Sunday School class was taught by my friend Wayne's grandfather whose name was True. Nobody liked him very much and the kids did everything in their power to aggravate him. When he was aggravated he would just scream at the class but we soon discovered that his bark was worse than his bite and the more the kids could get him to scream the more entertained they were.
I was often late to class and everything else and sometimes when I was strolling down the hall to Sunday School class I would hear True yelling at the top of his lungs: "This is the house of the Lord and you're supposed to be quiet!"
"Not much quiet coming from him," I thought to myself.
Then one Sunday, True was sick and the class was taken over by his daughter, Gladys. Immediately the kids had a nickname for her and started calling her Glad Ass. I'm not sure if she caught the nickname or not.
Anyway we made the mistake of thinking that Gladys would be a pushover just like her dad and everyone started horsing around. Then when Gladys turned her back and started writing on the blackboard the kid next to me, named Mark, picked up an eraser and threw it at another kid. Gladys must have had eyes in the back of her head because she immediately stopped writing, turned around and walked toward Mark with a very serious look on her face.
Suddenly the class went deathly quiet. Gladys forced her head about three inches away from Mark's head and said: "If you do that again you will regret it."
Then she turned around and started writing again on the blackboard.
Suddenly Mark sported a giant grin and the whole class lightened up. As a leader of the rebels we knew Mark was not going to let a slightly built female intimidate him.
A few minutes later Mark got hold of another eraser. He held it in his hand and looked over the room still wearing that big grin. When Gladys' back was turned he threw it at another kid.
Instantly Gladys quit writing on the blackboard, turned around and walked toward Mark. She moved toward him and stopped again a few inches from his head. The class was quiet as a tomb wondering what she was going to do. Mark didn't seem concerned as he was still grinning, but not so much as before.
Then after about three seconds of ungodly silence Gladys grabbed Mark by his two ears and with great force banged his head on the wall behind him about six times.
Then she stopped, turned around and resumed writing on the blackboard.
We were all absolutely stunned. I checked with Mark to see if he was okay. He said it hurt his ears more than it did his head.
For the rest of the class all the boys were perfect angels. The same went for the next Sunday, but when her father True returned things went back to normal.
Anyway a study of the other boys revealed that they made the best of their time in church as to relieving themselves of the boredom. I wasn't really into aggravating the teachers even though my constant lateness to everything did manage to do that somewhat. I was not only late to church meetings, but also my school classes.
I remember one day I was so late to Sunday School class that I figured I better sneak in. I went outside the building and found a window to the class and motioned to a friend to open it. When the teacher's back was turned I climbed through the window and sat in the chair.
The teacher turned around and looked at me and said, "Oh, hi, Joe, I didn't see you there before. Would you please give the prayer?"
I looked around and then said, "Which do I give? The opening or closing?"
All the kids laughed because I didn't know if the class was beginning or ending and I was put on the spot.
Anyway I decided that overall I didn't want to irritate the teachers and authorities any more than necessary and sought for other ways to do my part in relieving the boredom.
One thing I did was to start a contest to see who could bring the most outrageous thing to eat or drink during the Sacrament meeting without getting caught. I took the cake on the eating part when I brought pork chops and ate them without getting caught, but my friend John Cannon (Cannonball in the story I posted) won the prize on the drink. He brought a large Coke, sat in the midst of the congregation, and drank the whole thing with no straw without getting caught.
My friend Brent tried to match his record and came to church with a large Coke in his inside jacket pocket. To his surprise the Bishop called him to go up front and give the opening prayer. We all watched him as he walked up the isle. The weight of the Coke made his jacket sway back and forth and we thought the Coke was going to fall out and roll down the isle. We thought that would have been the funniest thing possible, but Brent managed to give the prayer and return to his seat without incident.
Anyway, after the six weeks I assessed the situation and decided that with a little improvisation that I could handle attending church and I decided to keep going. I just hoped that the things I would have to do to entertain myself wouldn't keep me out of heaven.
To be continued.
"An enlightened physician, named Paracelsus, during the fifteen century had the same problem with doctors that healers do today.
"In explaining why he had become a medical reformer he said: 'Since I saw that the (present) doctrine accomplished nothing but the making of corpses, deaths, murder, deformity, cripples, and decay, and had no foundation, I was compelled to pursue the truth in another way, to seek another basis, which I have attained after hard labor.'
"According to Kenneth Walker's Story of Medicine, Paracelsus said: 'The best of our popular physicians are the ones who do the least harm. But unfortunately, some poison their patients with mercury, and others purge or bleed them to death. There are some who have learned so much that their learning has driven out all common sense, and there are others who care a great deal more for their own profit than for the health of their patients. [...] A physician should be the servant of nature, not her enemy; he should be able to guide and direct her in her struggle for life, and not throw, by his unreasonable influence, fresh obstacles in the way of recovery.'"
(From "In Search for Healing Energy" by Mary Coddington)
Word of the Day
Nominal: Adjective: insignificantly small; a matter of form only (`tokenish' is informal). Example: "The fee was nominal") being value in terms of specification on currency or stock certificates rather than purchasing power. Example: "Nominal or face value." 1. existing in name only. 2. relating to or consisting of names. 3. (of a sum of money) very small; far below the real value or cost.
Go To:
Youthful Recollections, Part One
Youthful Recollections, Part Two
Youthful Recollections, Part Four
Youthful Recollections, Part Five
Youthful Recollections, Part Six
Youthful Recollections, Part Seven
Copyright © 2008 by JJ Dewey, All Rights Reserved