The Evolution of Short Skirts

Thu  Sep 27, 2007  6:41 am

This was the my first attempt to write an article in hopes of being published. I was about 16 at the time and you can see that I was somewhat philosophical even way back then.

The Evolution of Short Skirts
By J. J. Dewey
(circa 1961)

You see 'em all around you. To the left, right, front, back -- and if you're of the feminine sex, chances are you're wearing one. And if you are wearing one, you are one of the numerous females who have produced a question: Short skirts are here -- what's gonna happen? They're getting shorter, you know that, you've noticed. Do you think they'll keep getting shorter? Men got your fingers crossed eh -- got that "hope so" look on your face? Do you think your wish will come true? It looks as if it might, but let's face it. They can't keep getting shorter can they? Can they?? There is a limit, you know, and of course, the curtailment has to end before this limit is reached. Well... when's this going to happen???

Wise men have been able to peer somewhat into the future by studying the past and current knowledge. This is what we must do.

The purpose of this article would be lost if the reader knew not the meaning of it's key word. Originally, before it became commonly used, the word skirt meant the outer part of something; thus your skin being the outer part of your body may be called a skirt. Ah, ha -- so you see how the tight material women wear around their waist got its name -- and so soon! I agree with you.

Skirts come in a variety of colors. If not for the numerous dyes of the world our trained eyes would indeed be useless, for discernment would be nearly impossible. Ah -- we may now say that the skirt has become the fourth layer of the skin.

To continue our definition, Webster says the modern skirt is: "That part of the dress which hangs below the waist." Perhaps a decade from now we may ask -- "What part?!?" But presently the definition remains valid, and that certain part (what there is left) is that about which our discussion revolves -- its evolution.

The evolution of all modern day things can be traced back to primitive times. For example the car had its beginning with the first prehistoric wheel constructed by primitive man; the complex household stove evolved from the first manmade fires; modern homes came from the early caveman's dwellings' and about the most important of all is the English language which came from caveman's first unintelligent grunts. Now we get to a really important product -- the skirt. Where'd it come from? Who was the creator? How'd it evolve?

The evolution of short skirts may be divided into five eras:

Four score and a long time ago, a gob of living matter was molded in the form of a two-legged male. And out of the side of this man came his opposite -- woman. Common sense tells us that one of these two was the creator of the first skirt and commenced the first era. And common sense also tells us the creator was of feminine taste and characteristics.

Let's take an imaginary look at this woman whom we have chosen: Out of the air, we shall call her Eve. Now, Eve had never seen a skirt, nor any manner of apparel; nonetheless, she wanted to clothe her nakedness. We shall assume her first step was the searching for a material out of which she could make an appropriate covering for her body. No doubt she found grass was not suitable -- it was hard to work with and had a short lifetime. She and her mate hadn't yet learned to skin animals, so the thought of making them from any durable substance was out. Well, what was left? Yep -- leaves. In these days there were big leaves, small leaves, medium sized leaves and some betwixt. The jungled forests provided a plentiful supply. Eve merely plucked off some of the large leaves, threaded them with vine, wrapped them around her waist, and there, my friend, we have the first skirt. Of course, its lifetime, even though more durable than grass, was limited, but there was an abundant supply of the ingredients and the product was easy to make. Perhaps she made a new one with each raising sun. Just imagine her wardrobe after a couple hundred years!

One cannot say when the first era ended, but, without doubt, this was the shortest one. In much probability it faded within Eve's lifetime; surely she grew bored of making skirts daily. If she had the eye for good material that the women today have, she eventually saw much greater possibilities in the hides of the animals her husband had slain. From these hides, the female made her dress in the form of a garb called a sarong. And the male (Being more conservative, having had taken much effort in hunting the animal) merely wore a strip around the waist.

Our conclusion: The first woman lived through the first era and into the second -- and was the creator of the skirt worn in both.

The years passed and rolled into the centuries which made up the millennia of the second era. Perhaps a hundred, or even so much as a thousand of these thousand year periods passed before its termination.

The early fringes of human history brought with it civilized man. Man, and woman, now had a more imaginative and creative mind. From the realms of their new wisdom, a new kind of skirt was formed. This manner of skirt was the very foundation of the third era.

The Egyptians were among the first to use this new kind of skirt. We shall choose them because they did make a very good use of it. This new garment which they used was made from various materials of nature such as silk and cotton, a definite improvement over animal hides. From these things they were able to fashion the form as they desired and add color that they might take pride in the beauty of their apparel. They made beautiful skirts not only for themselves but they had another purpose which was to attract the searching eyes of the opposite sex. And attracted he was, for during this era men of power sought to acquire as many women as possible in the form of multiple wives, slave girls and, on a temporary basis, women of the evening.

The days from the Egyptians to the Greeks to the Romans were days of power, glory, and triumph -- but let's not forget the most important ingredient -- oh, yes, these too were days of woman. Man bought all his budget permitted. He built great and marvelous buildings and kingdoms to house his harems and impress his opposite. Not in all history has such a commodity (woman) been rendered so much service, attention, magnifications and significance. But let us not forget the medium through which this sought after splendor of woman was made known. When it comes down to it we can say the skirt brought these days of glamour, for without it (presuming another garb would have been used) woman would have not been thus exposed in order to inspire man to accomplish the great things he did.

Ah -- yes, these were great things. From the abyss of your imagination picture in your mind's eye the creations of men during this time. One can picture an awe-inspiring magnificent temple blending the height of its structure with the blue of the sky. Within this temple we can see the glory and fine workmanship of its composition. Also the bathing pools and fountains reflecting tints of velvet blue, the marble statues which denote years of labor, perhaps some of the most skilled labor ever done on earth. In your mind's eye you can also see the furnishings of precious metals such as gold and silver, and the silk and fine linen apparent in the places of rest and the clothes of the people possessing the building. Perchance they are having a festival. The men are gorging themselves quenching the desire of their belly while being hungered in another way by the sight they behold. Aye, wine is not the only intoxicant!

You can see it now: A great big fat short blubbery gristly adorned king gnawing on an ostrich leg (cooked without feathers, of course. You've seen 'm in the movies.), gawk'n at some very beautiful dancers (va va voom) wearing very petite frail lucid garments (VA VA VA VOOOOM!!!)... Of course, he wasn't the only one that was gawk'n. The others were paying attention, too -- wouldn't you? You know, if you and I were the best of buddies -- I mean the best -- we wouldn't have seen (or recognized) each other if we had attended a social such as this; and they often lasted days -- and no wonder, after all -- who was bored?

Well, let's face it. All good things must come to an end. But horrors! What manner of party pooper would bring an end to something man enjoys so well? Surely nature at the apex of her wrath wouldn't disturb man so. One would seem to think that only an under-sexed ghoul-minded fink with hungry larvae in his brain would produce such a mortification -- that is if it were within his power; and it was within the destroyer's power.

Surprisingly and sadly enough, man brought it upon himself. Impossible! One would be expected to say. Man is not such a fool as to leave a good thing alone. Well, friend, we have to face reality. Even though man did not foresee this undesirable end, he was the cause. The following is the explanation: Man grew desirous after woman when her body was not cached with gobs of opaque clothing. By and by, the more flesh revealed the more hungered man became. All he worked for was this creature. He spent all his time building and creating the things discussed previously. The rich just about had everything: large harems, slave girls, gold, silver, fine linens..., but they did lack something. Since the rich had everything their little ole heart desired they became lazy. And when these men of authority became lazy they grew content and the thought of armaments was a fading light in their memory. They had no stimulant. Meanwhile, something stronger was brightening the minds of the weak. Now we can see what the strong began to lack. They lacked the power necessary for their security.

Yes, as time passed, the once strong grew as weak as their morals, as they became satisfied and content -- or perhaps even more fitting -- lazy. Through determination and will power the once weak grew strong in armaments, and when the two elements clashed, the supposedly weak won and became the strong, while the strong became the weak.

Now what happens? We know that throughout history the strong haven't remained perpetually strong, and the weak have not been satisfied with their weakness and always seem to progress. The once weak who were now strong, felt secure. They repeated the procedure by trying to reproduce all the glory of those they followed. They sought after riches, built upon their kingdoms and re-established the glamorous harems. Meanwhile, the presently weak grew strong in will power, determination, and the desire for vengeance. With this as their fuel they overcame the strong who were once weak and once again became the strong.

Throughout history this process has repeated itself over and over. It appears as if it is one of nature's set laws. Man just cannot help but loaf when his physical needs are satisfied. He has been the same yesterday, is today, and, unfortunately, shall be tomorrow. The sands of time just don't seem to wash away the inborn traits of man. In fact, man's total behavior may be explained by a slight penetrating statement once said by the greatest of men: "The flesh is weak."

Up to this point the evolution of short skirts had continued to advance. Unfortunately, in the advancement of any great thing, there is an alteration, a backward movement. The Dark Ages brought with it the fourth era -- this was that backward movement. It's hard to say what happened, or how, but within this era short skirts became nearly obsolete. Yep, these must have been pretty dark ages alright -- real dark. Somebody slipped, don't you think???

The fourth era was the exact opposite of the third. No short thin frail garments for these gals -- oh, no, they had to wear something. These were days of extravagance. These poor misled females covered their flesh with enormous space consuming dense gowns and dresses -- why? -- One cannot say for sure -- perhaps the women were enormous, space consuming, and dense (with some added emphasis on that last word).

The diameter of some of the garb was tremendous. So large were they that one would ponder on the contents thereof. Since the women put most of their wealth in their costumes, one could tell how rich she was by measuring the diameter and weight of her apparel.

For your benefit we shall leave this era. You may be assured that any further words written on it would be boring and repetitious, for it lacks that one very special ingredient -- short skirts. Open your eyes; the next era has that ingredient.

The modern (fifth) era was introduced slightly after the turn of the twentieth century. Man (and woman) finally began to liven up a bit, for many drastic reductions came to pass. Aye, it had been long in the measure of time since man's eyes last gazed on such beauty. Here man again enjoyed condensed clothes; no harems in the West, of course, but many remember that the best was made of the situation.

Well, now -- since the fifth era started near the turn of the century, and once skirts start getting shorter they just seem to keep going. Why are they not shorter than they already are? Conquest kept the skirts of the third era at a happy (???) medium preventing them from becoming shorter than they did get. What, then, is governing the skirts of this era?

You notice that there are various periods within this era, as with others, where an overwhelming amount of material was introduced into the manufacturing of skirts causing a backward movement in its evolution. Perhaps if we studied these periods of time we may find some evidence as to its cause.

Every time the short skirts of the third era were being enjoyed to the maximum the people only seemed to care about the day in which they were living and were not prepared to cope with any future threat. And when this threat did come they were unprepared and lost their short skirts, and freedom, and became the weak. Did you ever notice that we were enjoying short skirts up until World War I? When the threat of war was made known we were again cursed with floor scraping gowns. We were able to meet the first threat of this era, but don't forget, we were considerably forewarned... And the skirts started getting longer before we entered the war.

Here we go again. After the war skirts began to shorten again and with the passing of a few years things really got underway. It looked as if the hem were reaching for the top.

About three-fourths through the twenties things really looked great. No wonder they were called the roaring twenties. Any man would roar after being enticed with the movement within the feather-light material of these swinging years.

As the fun, parties, gambling, good times, eating, drinking, marrying, and time rolled on, no end seemed to be in sight -- that is until that certain day in 1929 when the fun came to an end. Gloom covered the people with poverty and misfortune. The party was over and the shortening skirt came to a halt.

Strangely enough one thing was added upon -- as usual, this was the skirt. It seems as if the economics of this varying garb is entirely backwards. More material is used during a period of depression and less during that of wealth. Perhaps this is explained by the fact that people are more carefree during a time of wealth; thus they like to dress in the same manner. Also during a period of burden, they feel less carefree and more weighted down, so they also dress in accordance with this. Thus we may decide where we stand by viewing the surrounding skirts. We appear to be rather carefree, don't we?

Some time after the depression, advance was again apparent. The memory of short skirts was subconsciously the impetus for this advancement. Man's inner self longed for temptation. Skirts began to look better all the time. It was thought that soon woman would be looked upon with a breath taking "gasp." Things advanced and advanced until -- war. This analogous plague appeared, as usual, to perplex man's advancement, thus hindering the progress of skirts. This time, however, there was no great backward movement. In fact, there was advancement within some areas of the skirt. The popularity of the WAC's and their uniforms was a cause for this. Even though there was a war, and during such a burdensome period the dress is usually burdensome, the officials had wisdom enough to make the women's uniforms as efficient as possible, and heavy ruffled floor-dragging skirts do not produce the most competent motivation.

We are very fortunate that there were short skirts during this war for the simple reason that they helped us win. One must agree that this is odd. In the past they have hindered by making man carefree and lazy; how could they have done the opposite during the war? Let's look at it from the fighting man's view point: You see, the ole boy was out there on the battle ground with machine gun fire blazing over his head, while he made his way over the numerous motionless bodies which we expected to join. All looked so very, very gloomy. The forces within his mind pondered, wondering if there was any use of going on, wondering what glory the war would give him, wondering about the difference of dying then, or the next day. These forces compromised as he pulled out a picture of his girl in a short skirt or bathing suit.

Yes, when man is surrounded with alluring apparel, he becomes lazy and content... but when he's denied it with a knowledge of its existence his soul hungers for a future reality. This is the hunger which drives him forward against all odds. This is the hunger which gave us the power win the war. The skirt, not the atomic bomb, was the real instrument of victory.

After the war, the skirt has gone through several varying degrees bringing us up to the prevalent skirts of today (1961). Now there is a new meaning which may be added upon our former definition. Through the years the word skirt has become a slang phrase for woman. Now a person watching a girl walking down the street can say: "Man, like would ya look at that skirt on that skirt." Or possibly: "Wow! Look at that short skirt on that tall skirt. The skirt's kinda skinny though." Numerous definitions can lead to confusion.

Meanwhile, take a look out your window, or walk around the block for fresh air. You're bound to see a couple skirts wearing skirts. Take note of the average length... pretty short -- eh? (pant-pant-pant) Yep, we males really thrive on the current dressing of the women -- but few (very few) of us ever stop and think of the past. Remember -- every time skirts reach near that ultimatum accepted shortness something happens -- war, depression, conquest... What will happen this time?

Yawn... I'm feeling rather lazy and content. I think I'll take a nap.

-End-

Note by JJ of the present: I would have been blow away in 1961 if I could have looked a few years into the future to see how short the skirts really came to be.

Copyright © 2007 by JJ Dewey, All Rights Reserved