More On Grievance

2003-5-28 06:10:00

JJ wrote:
Instead of going with his emotional instinct Rod, first of all, wants to make sure he understands Bob correctly so he sends him a personal communication and says something like: "When you made your post it sounded like you were implying I was stupid. If so, this would really hurt my feelings so I thought I would check to see if this is what you really meant."

Judes:
There is another scenario that can occur at this point, JJ, and that is where Rod sends his personal message to Bob and Bob moves immediately into denial that he might have done anything to hurt Rod.

Or Bob will not be honest with Rod and admit he indeed hurt Rod and hurt him on purpose.

I have been using this technique of honest approach for many years to help alleviate misunderstandings and every once in a while one might encounter a person who goes into deep denial and self- defensiveness and so there can be no resolution because this type of person will cut off any further communication. This type of person suppresses their emotions to such an extent that there is never a chance to ever come to honest communication which could resolve future misunderstandings.

If one of the parties is not willing to meet the other party at least half-way then there becomes a stalemate to resolution.

Any advice on how to deal with these type of people that refuses to communicate and goes into self-denial instead?

JJ:
The solution is very simple. Your success in dealing with your emotion does not depend on the other person.
It does not matter if he goes into denial.
It does not matter if the other person is not honest or makes no effort to communicate.
It does not matter if he is defensive.
It does not matter if he does not meet you half way.
What does matter?
The answer is always the same.
What matters is what you do.
And all you have to do is to tell the person in spoken or written word how his actions effected your feelings.
If he denies that he is at fault, well he may be right. Often our feelings are hurt because of our own internal programming and not because of another person out of line.
And what if the other person is definitely out of line and still denies responsibility?

The question then becomes this.
Do you want to feel better and assume control of your life or do you just want a pound of flesh?
If the answer is the former then all you need do (no matter what the other guy does) is to merely communicate in harmless non-attack words how he made you feel.
Once you have done this, you must assume control with your mind and let the emotion go. When you do this, the negative energy is now the other person's responsibility and if he does not honestly respond then the negativity will descend upon him and he will suffer for it.
If you then really want to get revenge upon your enemies, just communicate your feelings and then forgive. If you do this and he does not respond according to his soul, he will soon partake of the negativity of which you were suffering.
It is the natural desire of the astral nature to want the other guy to admit he was wrong and do penitence, but in the real world this rarely happens and is not the answer to emotional control. Instead, merely send out your true feelings in harmlessness, using soft words, and let the emotion go with the words.
This works every time the individual is not attached to revenge.

You have to understand, most of these people are not ready to be unplugged. And many of them are so inured, so hopelessly dependent on the system that they will that they will fight to protect it. Are you listening to me, Neo? Or were you looking at the woman in the red dress?
Morpheous - The Matrix