Your "karmic bank" is like a ledger with two sides: a credit and debit. It is almost as simple as we were taught in Sunday school. If we do good deeds we get points in heaven, but if we do bad, or hurtful deeds then we get some black marks.
Each of us has both a positive and negative karmic bank. There are various cycles available to us when the positive is available to use for our advantage and others when we must accept the negative and make right our wrongs.
As you reflected on your debt while dwelling between lives you became concerned that your negative points were growing much faster than the positive. It seemed like every time you had responsibility over people that you saw things backwards and harmed many people. The desire began to form in you to have some safe lives where you were more involved with either just yourself, or things.
In your next two lives you were a monk and spent a lot of time in seclusion. This was a good step for you. They say a change is a rest and this was like a rest to you, yet you worked hard at making this period successful. You spent a lot of time in reflection and contemplation. You learned valuable discipline here that you would use periodically in many lifetimes to come.
After this you spent several more lives in semi seclusion as a trapper, pioneer, and one who lived in the wilderness.
Next you were born in a more advanced society. You went through lives as an engineer, a doctor, a lawyer, an architect, a scientific worker, an accountant and numerous others where you learned the value of education and the application of that which you learned.
Historically these were important lives for you in the overall scheme of things. You learned to use your mental faculties and to direct yourself intelligently toward a desired end. On the other hand, these were also lives that lacked friction and adventure so we shall not cover them in any detail. You received your wish and lived through a period where you were safe from making any major havoc and you created some positive points in your karmic ledger through your prodding service.
Still, even in these lives of service, your prime motive was to serve Self and make Self comfortable. Your service to others was a side effect to Self-service. You did not score nearly the number of positive points as you thought you would as you moved ahead
Another benefit of these lifetimes was that you were stabilized enough to develop some lasting relationships. In several lives you had only one long marriage for the entire life. Your marriages were not really satisfying, but they were not bad either. You were generally prosperous and that was a helpful in keeping your mate happy. Nevertheless, you suppressed considerable feelings and when problems came up you often slid them under the rug.
You began to discover that you could only ignore or suppress feelings so long and then they began to build up until the energy became so strong that it had to be released. When you did release them you did so with great force that seemed unlike your normal self. This began a period of suppression, followed by overpowering build up of emotion and finally followed by near violent release of anger or feeling. This initiated a period of about a dozen lives of ill health for you. During two lives of intense suppression you died of cancer. This is followed by two lives of emotional release, anger and over reaction. In one of these lives you died of a brain tumor and in another of stomach problems.
This period of ill health taught you to first express yourself honestly and finally to control that expression.
After going through these cycles of ill health and learning their lessons you became ready for your next cycle of learning. You may have thought that this was all the ill health you needed to learn your lessons of liberation, but you were wrong. There would be numerous cycles of dis-ease to come, but you should have taken heart. The day of consummate learning and liberation would eventually come, just as sure as the coming of the rising sun.
-- End Of Chapter Eight --
Index Of Chapters
Copyright 2002 by J.J. Dewey, All Rights Reserved